


21

by space_squirrel



Series: The Heart Against The Mind [3]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F!Shenko - Freeform, F/M, MERweek, Photo, Pictures of You, Shenko - Freeform, photograph
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 22:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11113869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_squirrel/pseuds/space_squirrel
Summary: Commander Brooklyn Shepard, morning person extraordinaire, is nowhere to be found on the SR1 one morning, and Kaidan is determined to find out why.Written for #MERWeek Day 2 - Pictures Of You





	21

It's an early morning not unlike any other on the Normandy SR1: the decks are quiet, save for the night crew wrapping up their shifts; the dimmed night cycle lights slowly getting brighter as the scent of Alliance military egg-goo fills the kitchen. 

The only difference between this morning, and other mornings, Kaidan thinks, is that Commander Brooklyn Shepard, morning person extraordinaire, is nowhere to be found. 

He doesn't think too much of it, at first, assuming she's getting a little extra R&R, or perhaps had an early morning vidcall with Anderson, as she sometimes did. Those ones were strictly personal, and she usually took them in her quarters. But as it nears a quarter past eight, he begins to worry. It’s very unlike Brooklyn to be occupied _this_ late, and he finds himself wondering if it would be crossing the increasingly blurry line between the two of them if he goes to check on her. 

So Kaidan decides to wait a little longer, frequently glancing between her door and his plate. When she still has not appeared 15 minutes later, he finds himself staring at her cabin door from his seat in the mess, as if willing it to open. 

Joker’s voice suddenly fills the air. 

“You should go check on her, man.” 

Kaidan gives the ceiling an annoyed look. “Were you spying on me, Joker?” 

“No,” the voice floats down, “but I tried radioing her cabin and she didn't answer.” 

Kaidan considers this for a moment. 

“Oh for...” Ashley shakes her head in exasperation, and Kaidan jumps, not realizing she had, at some point, made her way to the mess table, setting her breakfast tray down next to him. “Kaidan, if you don't go, I will.” A pause. “Even _I’m_ up before her, that should be saying something.” 

“Alright, alright,” he says, holding his hands up. “I’m going.”

He closes the distance between the mess and the captain’s quarters, feeling Ashley’s eyes on his back the entire way. He pauses, right as he reaches the door, lock symbol red and is about to change his mind and turn around, when suddenly it triggers green. Confused, he shoots Ash a look over his shoulder, and she gives him a big smile and a thumbs up, causing heat to creep up his neck. 

He turns around, and knocks on the door. 

“Come on in, Kaidan,” Shepard’s soft voice answers immediately. “I know it’s you.” 

Hesitantly, he takes a step into the room, then another, realization dawning on him that he’d never set foot in her quarters before as the doors swish shut behind him. Shepard is sitting at the desk, facing away from him, dressed in sweatpants and a baggy N7 tee. Her long red hair is messy, unbrushed, loosely hanging down her back instead of in the tight regulation bun he’s used to seeing. He tries to remember if he’s ever seen her hair down before. 

“How did you know?” 

“Call it a feeling,” she replies, turning to face him and giving him a small smile, but he can tell her heart isn’t in it. Kaidan takes a closer look at her, now that she’s turned toward him: her eyes are puffy, nose red, and she’s holding an old, ratty piece of paper in her hand. It's clear she’s been crying. 

“Comman—” he begins, but then stops himself. He didn’t come in here to check on his Commander, he came here to check on his friend. He tries again. “Shepard, are you alright? Joker and Ash, they’re worried about you,” he pauses. “ _I’m_ worried about you.” 

She looks up, her green eyes meeting his, and instantly they well with tears. She turns away, suddenly, ashamed, and rubs at her face with the back of her hand. “Today’s just hard,” she says, sniffing loudly. “I’m sorry, I haven’t been this... this affected, by everything, not in a long time, it’s just...” she trails off, and he is scrambling to figure out what today’s date means. He knows it’s not the anniversary of Mindoir, and it’s not her birthday, either. Kaidan glances down at the paper she’s clutching, trying to get a better look without being obvious. 

“Did I ever tell you I had a brother?” she asks suddenly, a bitter edge to her voice. She’d not told him that, not directly, but anyone who knew enough about the events of Mindoir, knew enough about Brooklyn Shepard’s dark history, knew about the existence of her long-dead sibling. He waits for her to continue. 

“His name was Bear. He was only eight when the slavers raided Mindoir. Only eight when he—” her voice cracks, and she swallows, breathing in deeply before continuing. “Only eight when he died,” her voice is small, now, and Kaidan has to move closer to hear her properly. “He would have been 21 today.” 

Kaidan’s heart clenches painfully at that admission. He has two sisters, himself, one older and one younger, and he couldn’t imagine losing either of them, let alone losing Lenora in the same horrific way Brooklyn had lost Bear. 

He’s kneeling on the ground in front of her chair, now, and she looks so frail in this moment: her back is hunched over, hair obscuring her face, her legs tucked under her chair, both hands holding the paper in her lap, right thumb gently fingering a creased corner. 

Shepard sniffles slightly, and then thrusts the piece of paper at him. He gingerly takes it, and realizes it’s a photo. Studying it, he instantly recognizes the young girl - Shepard looks to be about thirteen, her red hair in two long braids, a scarf tied on her head. She’s giving the camera a big, toothy grin, a smear of mud on her cheek, and her freckled skin is smooth, unmarked by the tragedies that would shape her life in the years to come. _She looks happy_ , he thinks, and realizes in all the time he’s known her, he has never seen her look even half as happy as she does in the photo. 

Kaidan turns his attention to the boy she has her arms wrapped around, next, and would know with certainty, even without the context of the conversation, that this is Bear. They share the same freckles, the same ginger hair, the same piercing green eyes. The boy is laughing, mouth open, and holding his hands out for the photographer to see. They’re covered in dirt and mud and grass, and Kaidan can’t help but smile at how carefree they both look. 

“I know it’s silly, but I just wanted to see him, this morning, when I woke up. I didn’t expect... I didn’t expect to react like _this_.” She gives a half laugh, half sob, and shakes her head. “Some fearless leader I am, huh? An emotional wreck over an old photo, over something that happened thirteen years ago.” 

“You’re allowed to feel things, Shepard,” he says gently, taking a risk as he reaches out and gives her hand a squeeze. “That doesn’t make you a bad leader.” 

She smiles, actually smiles this time, and squeezes his hand in return. “Thanks, Kaidan. Though I don’t know what use I’ll be as a leader today,” she says, looking down. “I can’t even fathom leaving this room right now.” 

“Then don’t,” he says suddenly, standing up. “Take a sick day. I’ll cover for you, with the crew. We’re still a day out from Noveria.” 

“I can’t, there’s too much—” 

He cuts her off, placing a hand on her shoulder. “ _Please,_ Brooklyn,” he says, and her eyes go wide as her first name rolls off his tongue. He’s never called her by it before, he realizes, and his ears burn, though it’s too late to take it back. “Take the day off. You’re no use to anybody if your head isn’t in the game.” 

She sighs, and leans back, turning her eyes to the ceiling as she considers this, squeezing her eyes shut as a single tear escapes and trails down her cheek. 

“I know you’re right,” she says, “but—” 

“No buts.” 

She smiles, again, tentatively at first, as she looks towards him once more, and he smiles back. Her grin grows slightly wider as they make eye contact, and his heart is pounding in his chest. He’s sure that she can hear it, it’s _so loud,_ but if she can, she’s not giving any indication of it. 

“Okay,” she says finally. “But you have to promise to bother me if things really go sideways.” 

“Shepard, if anything goes _so_ sideways I’d have to bother you, chances are you’d know about it long before I arrived at your door,” he replies, standing to leave. “Get some rest, okay?” 

She nods, and he takes his leave, making his towards the door. 

“Kaidan,” she calls suddenly, causing him to pause, turning to look back at her. 

“Thank you,” she says softly. “There’s not many people in my life who would care about...” she trails off, falling silent for a second as she collects her thoughts. “Just, thank you.” 

“Anytime,” he replies, and _God help him,_ he really means it.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This picture is the quintessential Brooklyn/Bear picture, which basically inspired this fic: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/638807528365589700/
> 
> Thanks for reading <3 Comments always appreciated, and I love concrit if you've got it!


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